彩虹小品

2005 年 5 月

我知誰掌管明天
賴建鵬牧師 (癌症關懷組顧問牧師)

我不知明天將如何，每一天只為主活，我不借明天的陽光，因明天或不晴朗。
我不要為將來憂慮，因我信主的應許，我今天要與主同行，因祂知前面路程。
每一步越走越光明，像攀登黃金階梯，每重擔越挑越輕省，每朵雲披上銀衣。
有許多未來的事情，我現在不能識透，但我知誰掌管明天，我也知誰牽我手。

當醫生診斷出我患了鼻咽癌後，我追問他我的癌病到底到了那一期？答案是第三期末，正在進入第四期，我馬上到圖書館搜集有關的資料。原來第一期患者有百份之九十會復原，但是極少數這一期的患者會被發現。一般鼻咽癌患者被發現時已經是第二或第三期，他們的復原機會大約是百份之五十到百份之三十。至於第四期患者，只有百分之幾的康復機會。而我就是最後者，生命就是這麼短促嗎？死亡就在我眼前。頓時，一片暗淡似乎遮蓋了上帝的光芒，平時的那股勁兒及信心已不知去向，心靈在低潮，沮喪，懷疑中掙扎。感謝主，這首詩歌提醒了我；是的，我確不知道明天會如何？但我卻確知主是牽著我的手走在這一條難走的路。深知我「今天」在主手中，「明天」自有主的恩典，祂是我同行良伴，我雖未能明白識透，但確知祂是掌管我的明天，我就不恐懼、不憂傷。

當夜闌人靜，躺在床上，聽錄音機播出這詩歌時，我的心就充滿著盼望和信心。詩歌是人對神表達內心情懷和愛，當我們引吭高歌或微聲低唱時，詩歌就能驅散心中塞滿的落寞、憂愁與徬徨。有時我們的生命彷彿燃燒至將盡的炭灰，但那美妙的旋律、感人的歌詞，就令我們再燃燒起來，重振生命之雄勁，激發生命的火花，重獲信心和喜樂。

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I know who holds tomorrow
Rev. Paul Lai (Chaplain of Cancer Support Group)

I don’t know about tomorrow, I just live from day to day;
I don’t borrow from its sunshine, For its skies may turn to gray.
I don’t worry over the future, For I know what Jesus said;
And today I’ll walk beside Him, For He knows what is ahead.
Many things about tomorrow I don’t seem to understand;
But I know who holds tomorrow, And I know who holds my hand.

When the doctor diagnosed nasopharyngeal carcinoma (cancer) in me, I wanted to know to what stage it had developed. The answer was late stage three going on stage four. I gathered all the relevant information I could at the library and learned that 90% of stage one patients recovered, but very few were diagnosed at this early stage. Most patients were diagnosed at stage two or three, and their chances of recovery were 30% to 50%. As for stage four patients, only a few out of a hundred had a chance of recovery. I belonged to this latter group.

I asked, “Must life be so short?” Death was just before me and darkness seemed to suddenly overshadow the light of God. My usual liveliness and faith were gone and my spirit struggled in depths of gloominess and doubt.

Thanks to the Lord, the hymn came to me: yes, I did not know about tomorrow, but I knew God held my hand while I walked through that difficult road. I knew “today” was in the hand of God, and “tomorrow” would be in God’s grace. He walked beside me as my partner. Although I could not completely understand, I knew He held my tomorrow and I no longer feared or worried.

In the silence of night as I lay in bed, the tape recorder play the hymn. My heart was filled with hope and faith. Hymns express our feelings and love for God. Whether we sing them aloud or softly, hymns can chase away our loneliness, sadness and worry. Sometimes, our lives seem like dying flames, but the beautiful melody and moving lyrics of the hymn can relight our flames, recharge our lives, and resettle faith and joy in our hearts.